Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The Escapades of Fritz the Gnome

When I lived in Acton I had a great neighbor named Stella. Stella had a wide collection of garden gnomes that lived in her garden. I had been planning a trip to Minneapolis with a friend and at the last minute decided to play a little prank on my neighbor. I kidnapped one of her gnomes! My girlfriend and I have this thing we used to do whenever we went over the border. We would strap our teddy bears into the backseat, belted in for safety obviously! It always gets a laugh from the boarder guards to see two grown women doing this, and we always got a kick out of giving someone a laugh at our expense! Now, let me paint this picture for you.

All summer we watched Stella pitch a heated battle with grubs in her lawn. She tried everything on the market to get rid of them and nothing worked so she set too with a plastic container and a small gardening shovel and picked them out by hand. For a while she thought she was loosing the battle as the grubs kept disappearing from her container whenever she went was blue jays up on the wire.

So it is the night before my trip. I had just gotten home from work at the gas station and was hanging out with my friend Amy when this plan just hit me! I was very incognito about this heist! I belly crawled in front of their hedge, slipped my arm through and grabbed the first gnome I hit, and brought it back to Amy. Much to my dismay, Amy declared I had not grabbed a gnome as this guy had no beard! Back on my belly to put him back and grab another, and Fritz was the winner.

Now not wanting to upset my neighbor with the prospect of one of her gnomes being stolen I wrote her a note and stuck it to a stick in the spot where Fritz had formally been. It went as follows

My Dearest Stella
After a long and arduous battle against the army of grubs, and our subsequent victory I have decided to take a much needed vacation. I will return in two weeks.
Love Fritz, the Garden Gnome.

Picture this. The next day I am spending all of my time looking out the bedroom window watching Stella garden and waiting for her to notice her note where Fritz had been. Her friend popped by and noticed the note in the garden. Stella read it, passed it to her friend and then they both laughed.

So off to the boarder with my friend, Fritz the Gnome safely wrapped in a towel and belted into the back seat while sitting on a pillow. Here are a few of the pictures we took of Fritz the Gnome on vacation!

This is Fritz driving through some construction in Wisconsin!

Fritz is riding shot gun giving us directions so we don't get lost! Our route is on the map!

Fritz having a look at the scenic lookout in Michigan!

Fritz at the beach! Is it a vacation without a beach?

The payoff from this gag was huge! My sister bought Fritz a friend named Franz! We returned Fritz to his spot in the garden with his new found friend and a lovely little picture book documenting his journey! We leaned the two gnomes up against each other and surrounded them with Red Cap 'stubby' beer bottles and the album. Large laughs ensued!

We watched carefully the next day, waiting to see Stella be reunited with Fritz. When I fessed up to my 'crime' I was thrilled to hear the results! Her friend called her everyday to see if Fritz was back from his vacation! She was delighted with the photo album and the new addition to her garden! She did however lament that after his vacation Fritz had done nothing and had become lazy! The album comes out whenever she has new company come over. Stella you are awesome!

I was inspired to share this story when I read some of the adventures of Bilbo the garden Gnome! Thanks Victoria and Kim!


  1. I almost peed myself! You are a riot! You know, looking at the photos I had to wonder. Why in the heck do they give gnomes ass cheeks? LOL!

  2. because everyone has a bum!

  3. What a great prank! Thanks for the laugh. Might pay this forward.

  4. That is like the cutest thing ever! What a thrill for your neighbor! What a great neighbor you are! Great post, I love it!